just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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