I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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