They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
