you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
