omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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