Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
