his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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