Sry I called you an 8
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
