i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You dont lie about slip and slides
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize