some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
