Little spoons don't ask big questions
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
