I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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