Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
