I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
