I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
