I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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