it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
