And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
