at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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