this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
