Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
