I wish I could teleport
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
