You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
