i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
