Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize