I want to have your abortion
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And then he peed in my hair
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