you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
