no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm too high and old for this...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
