we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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