I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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