Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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