Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
