Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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