I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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