Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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