She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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