I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
