My hand turned me down
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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