So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
