I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
