Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
operation have a gay friend backfired
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
