are you still at the devil's house?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
