is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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