Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm always down for nudity.
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