I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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