eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
