Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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