Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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