I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Welp...herpes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
