you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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