I'm going to jail i love you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
