This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
