Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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