there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
