I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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