hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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