I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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