You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
