umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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