I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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