just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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