I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
