I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
