Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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