Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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