it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize