Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
