im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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