I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
two words...techno handjob
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
