And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
