So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
