Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
