I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
